"It might interest you to know that men think about the female breast at least three or four times every hour. Did you know that?" It was the gorgeous Dolores. "It's to do with separation anxiety." She was, as is her wont, reading aloud from the Kitchen Science Monitor. It's irritating, but I grimace inwardly.
There are two points that immediately spring to mind here (besides the two most obvious). First, the gorge D's information is wrong. Men, blokes, represented in this instance by The Dirk, think about breasts far, far many more times than the 'three or four times' every hour conceded by the Monitor. Depending upon the external stimuli, the 'breast thought' ? and secondary considerations as to shape, feel, size and texture - can run into the thousands daily.
Secondly, analysing this stuff is perfectly pointless. There is no science involved here. In The Dirk's considerable experience (a matter not widely canvassed with 'the gorge D'), the breast thought is continuous, punctuated by 'the shagging thought', the 'gee I'd prefer to be out riding thought', and followed in no particular order by the 'beer, Bourbon and 'Bundy thought'.
Tick that lot off every day and life's perfect eh?
So, getting away from the breast thought for a moment and onto 'the motorcycle thought', Suzuki has kindly provided a bit of thought-fodder with its announcement that there's a new Gixxer on the way, the 2009 GSX-R1000K9; also a new Boulevard M90 and yet another jigger utilising the 650cc V-Twin powerplant from the SV650, the Gladius. (Don't scoff, it took a focus group three months to come up with 'Gladius'... in The Dirk's utopian world of breasts, shagging, motorcycles and beer, all focus groups are killed.)
"Suzuki is thrilled to unveil the new GSX-R1000, Boulevard M90 and Gladius," Perry Morison, General Manager Motorcycles, Suzuki Australia said.
"The GSX-R legend speaks for itself, and the all-new 2009 model is the best yet with significant improvements across the board," he said.
New to the 2009 GSX-R1000 is a more compact 999cc engine which, besides being more powerful and offering improved throttle response, runs cleaner than the model it replaces. It also offers Suzuki's Drive Mode Selector (S-DMS) system ? allowing riders to choose from three engine maps to suit conditions and their riding style.
With a shorter wheelbase, new chassis, tits, a longer swingarm and new front suspension system, the new GSX-R1000 promises some real tarmac armoury for Gixxer fans.
Suzuki's second new-comer, the Boulevard M90 - a (slightly) smaller brother to its 109-cubic inch Boulevard M109R cruiser - comes with a 90-cubic-inch V-twin, digital fuel injection, class leading torque-to-weight and power-to-weight ratios and, yes, head-turning style. Hooters... (ahoy there friends).
Suzuki is claiming the same comfortable, laidback cruising ride of its bigger brother. Besides a serious cruiser rumble, the Boulevard M90 comes with alloy wheels, 200mm-wide rear tyre, stupendous gazongas, and neat retro lines.
Last of the three newcomers friends is the Gladius... (Gladius? Is that from the latin root 'gladiator', the floral root 'gladioli', or the 'my god, how drunk was I' root.)
It's actually a neat looking unit, and with a slim chassis, huge Bristols, and Suzuki's tried and tested 650cc V-Twin powerplant, should be a nice little ride.
We don't yet have pricing and colour options for the GSX-R1000 nor the Gladius. The Boulevard M90 will be available from November in Metallic Blue or Pearl Black, with pricing details also to be announced later.
We'll keep you posted friends. (Now I might have mentioned breasts once or twice there but I think I got away with it.) More info? Call Garry Nash or Mitchell Adam at Suzuki Media on (03) 9596 9011.
Ride free friends. The Dirk.