2009 Ducati Hypermotard 1100, Hypermotard 1100S

Do you ever gaze around the room friends and look at all the things you'd like to sell? Like the neighbour's kid, the one who is always fishing around in your fridge or sitting in your chair. ("Yo… just checkin', got anything to eat?")

It's a wonderful thing eBay, point at anything in any room, and someone has one just like it on eBay. Maybe you could sell the fridge?

Sell something friends, anything, because you'll need to garner a few extra ducats to put at least one of the new 2009 range of Ducati highway blasters in the garage. (Saving is out of the question and the last time you went to a bank to ask for a loan someone got a little bit shot…)

Like, check out the new 2009 'Duke' Hypermotard 1100 and 1100S. Tell me it's not as easy on the eye as Kylie's arse, and tell me you don't want to throw the leg over… both parties that is. (I wouldn't break it to the gorgeous Dolores but it's true.)

"Slim, light, extreme, untamed, over-the-top; the most aggressive motorcycle in the Ducati family": that's what Ducati says about its new high-performance street and track racer. With stripped down naked style (just 177kg dry weight), fuel injection, big-bore acceleration, 200km/h-plus top speed and dynamic road-holding, the urban warrior wars may now be ratcheted up a notch with the arrival of the Hypermotard. (Not that The Dirk knows anything about that Orificer…)

With wide, tapered section handlebars, a full-length seat for sliding fore and aft when cornering and powering out, a rigidly triangulated Trellis frame and state-of-the-art suspension, the Hypermotard 1100 is made for performance riding.

Up front, the 1100 features 50mm Marzocchi forks with high rigidity stainless steel sliders and external adjustability for compression and rebound damping (plus spring preload). At the rear, a fully-adjustable ZF Sachs shock mounted to a single-sided swingarm to keep the ergs on the tarmac when you're feeding them in.

The 1100S however utilises new lightweight 48mm Kayaba forks with durable low friction, DLC (diamond-like carbon) black coating to the sliders and an Öhlins remote reservoir rear shock.

That's not all that separates the two models. Stopping duties on the 1100 falls to two radially-mounted Brembo four piston calipers on lightweight 305mm twin discs up front and a 245mm disc at the rear, while lightweight Marchesini wheels with Z-rated Bridgestone BT015 tyres - a fat 180/55 section on the rear and a 120/70 on the front - complete the picture.

The more track-focused 1100s features Brembo Monobloc calipers (as used on Ducati Superbikes) created from a single casting and machine finished. It also features premium black Marchesini alloy wheels (forged then machined) with red pin-striping and Pirelli Diablo Corsa tyres.

Every Duke is about the donk however, and, with Ducati's thumping lightweight 90 degree twin ready to be put to work, the Hypermotard 1100 and 1100S have plenty for the Desmo tragic. With 98mm bore and short 71.5mm stroke, fuel injection into 45mm throttle bodies and twin spark plugs per cylinder, the Ducati twin is good for 90 eager neddies and 76 pounds of torque.

On the Hypermotard 1100S, so that you can analyse your track performance, Ducati offers dDA PC software, USB-ready data retrieval card (and instructions) as standard.

According to the Ducati press release, "The system records numerous channels of data including throttle opening, vehicle speed, engine rpm, engine temperature, distance travelled, number of laps, and lap times. The system also automatically calculates engine rpm and vehicle speed data so as to display gear selection as an additional channel of information."

There's a whole lot of other kit friends: Ducati 'dry' racing-style clutch; GP-styled digital instrumentation and handlebar-mounted switch gear (allowing menu scroll-through); removable passenger footpegs and a removable rubber insert on the rider's pegs to increase boot grip during extreme competition.

Both 1100 and 1100S also feature a lightweight and compact 2-1-2 catalytic exhaust system with lambda probe (Euro 3 compliant) terminating in Ducati's trademark twin under-seat piping, black exhaust mufflers and aluminium end caps.

Take your pick, 1100 or 1100S… might be time for The Dirk to break out the track leathers again (if he can stop thinking about Kylie's arse for longer than ten minutes).

And nope, nothing yet on prices. (As soon as Ducati finds the fiscal dartboard, they'll be sure to let us know).

So, keep your head above the shyte friends (and don't swallow any lumps). Ride free. The Dirk