Let’s talk about something big for a moment. Like an aircraft carrier. Something like the USS Ronald Reagan for instance: 95,000 tonnes, 332.8 metres long, twin Westinghouse A4W nuclear reactors and four steam turbines… yeah, it’s big.

Now just hold that thought a moment because I think I have been driving the automotive equivalent of the USS ‘Ronnie’. Let me introduce you to the Volkswagen R50 Touareg.

Big, badass and beautiful, one hour behind the wheel of Volkswagen’s ultimate SUV will have you spoiled forever. Sure, it weighs 94,998 tonnes less than the Reagan, but its power and presence is irresistible. Behind the wheel, you begin to find the inner megalomaniac… and you’ll start thinking it might be time to trample Tasmania, or tow it further out to sea.

That’s the kind of power it’s got.

Have a look at the numbers: the R50 boasts the big daddy of diesels, a 5.0-litre bi-turbo V10, with 258kW and 850Nm of torque; it’s a bona fide nuclear bloody reactor. Haul? Does J-Lo have a big arse? The R50’s engine is a fettled version of the standard Touareg’s V10 diesel that manages a respectable 230kW and 750Nm before the ‘R’ wand is waved over it.

Of course, all that engine – let’s face it, it’s truck size – and a comprehensive array of standard equipment, means that the R50 is a hefty beast with a kerb weight of 2642kgs. You’ll be thinking then that all that weight slung between the wheels will mean blunt performance, the thirst of a camel and the handling of a drunken sailor; but you’d be dead wrong.

The Reagan can handle a full rudder turn at max speed - that’s 95,000 tonnes at around 60km/h -resulting in a 15 degree tilt of the deck. Likewise, the R50 similarly challenges the laws of physics when punted hard into a corner; in fact the handling is astounding for a large SUV.

The Reagan is a floating airport, the R50 Touareg can tow a Boeing 747…

But it’s no crude beast of burden; the R50 is also a technological tour-de-force. Settle behind the wheel, adjust the infinitely variable electric seats, set the four-zone climate control, load up the CD stacker, fire up the 10 speaker Dynaudio stereo and just revel a moment in the soft Nappa leather opulence. If you have to spend a few hours on the Captain’s bridge, it might as well be a comfortable one.

Before moving off, select your choice of three suspension settings, comfort, normal or sport, a process handled by Volkswagen’s Continuous Damping Control (CDC) system. Your selection determines the R50’s damper settings and ride height, which is controlled by the air suspension (and yes, you do notice the difference).

Comfort is the pick of the settings for everyday work (I’m a comfort kind of guy, so that’s the one I chose for most of my driving in the R50), but all three settings are well sorted and have their uses.

On suburban roads, the R50 is a surprise package in a number of ways. Any car with 850Nm on tap induces a certain amount of awe, even before pushing the start button. Our home grown 6.2-litre V8 HSV’s can only manage 550Nm and they are suitably quick, so my expectations of the hi-po Touareg were significant.

The R50 didn’t disappoint.

Give the right pedal a decent prod and the effect is almost immediate. The big diesel’s twin huffers pile on the boost in an instant and you ride a ferocious wave of torque. All 2.6 tonnes of R50 is shot down the road in a manner that simply messes with the head. On the flat, or up a hill, the effect is the same. The R50 under full noise from a standstill pins you to your seat: the torque off the line, combined with AWD, creates its own gravity field. According to Volkswagen, the R50 will belt from 0-100km/h in 6.8 seconds. I tried it once or twice… and then again just for good measure, and while I can’t confirm the official numbers (our Correvit timing equipment is still on layby) my ‘seat of the pants’ un-timed performance runs confirmed that the R50 is bloody quick.